Rating: 1.5 out of 5
I'm not sure what I'm more embarrassed about: that I spent my Friday night watching "Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Pt. 2," or that it took me almost a year and a half to finally get around to watching it (see Pt. 1's review here).
Either way, I'm glad to say that I'm finished with the series. It seems so long ago when I read the books before the movies were released and found myself on this bandwagon. While I liked the supernatural, forbidden love between Edward and Bella in the beginning, I felt that Stephenie Meyer ruined everything in Breaking Dawn.
For those who are blissfully unaware of this story, let me summarize this outrageously far-fetched, poorly designed plot:
18-year-old mortal Bella Swan is celebrating her honeymoon with her vampire husband Edward Cullen, and even though vampires don't have blood running in their veins, he somehow manages to impregnate her.
Bella is almost killed by her hybrid baby, who is growing at an abnormal rate, but is "saved" when Edward turns her into a vampire.
Bella falls in love with the daughter that almost destroyed her from the inside out, and names her Renesmee, because combining the names of your mother and mother-in-law is a totally normal thing to do. Nicknaming her "Nessie" is even more normal, by the way.
Bella's other love interest, werewolf Jacob Black, imprints on Renesmee, which means that he found his soulmate in a toddler and now has to wait years before consummating anything. But don't worry, she ages quickly!
The Volturi, aka the vampire mafia, hear word that a supposedly bloodthirsty immortal child has been born, and seek to annihilate it and the entire Cullen coven.
Things escalate into this huge battle between vampires and werewolves against the Volturi, but since Renesmee is actually only half-vampire and not immortal/dangerous after all, the Volturi discover that it was all a big misunderstanding and leave. Happily ever after ensues.
Ugh, that summary was painful to write; I don't know how Meyer could stomach the entire novel. She has a disheartening way of building up tension and then completely deflating it, whether it was ruining the highly anticipated honeymoon with a fatal pregnancy or foreshadowing an epic battle that never actually happens.
The saving grace of the film version (besides the sexy Lee Pace as Garrett!) is that Meyer changed the script slightly so that it wasn't as downright boring. Disappointing still, but an improvement nonetheless. But young-adult fiction fans of other action-packed blockbusters like Harry Potter or The Hunger Games will fall asleep during this snoozefest.
It's unfortunate that authors can't seem to find that happy medium between making the finale a bloodbath and eliminating all obstacles with little sacrifice. Because what's frustrating about Breaking Dawn is just how easy it all seems.
Bella is blessed with powerful defensive capabilities as a vampire despite her lack of grace, intrigue, or uniqueness as a human. Like her new relatives, she becomes strikingly beautiful and strong, but without the thirst and pain of adjusting to her undead lifestyle.
It wouldn't be that difficult for young female readers to interpret the message of this saga as "Find a prince to marry and have babies with, and all your problems will be solved! Love conquers all!"
And what's more upsetting about Renesmee than her disturbing aging special effects is that she's branded by a man since the moment of her birth. Sadly, she inherited from her mother a lack of autonomy; instead of having the opportunity of making her own decisions, she's immediately defined by her partner.
I could go on and on about how the Twilight saga needs a hearty dose of feminism, but I'd be writing for as long as vampires live. All I'll say is that I'm relieved that this bandwagon has finally come to an end. "Breaking Dawn, Pt. 2" was better than the book, but given how bad it was in print, the silver screen couldn't make a significant enough improvement to warrant recommendation.